I was chatting to one of my most beautiful friends and while we were talking about something that had triggered her back into a past memory, it got me thinking.
We spoke about what I call the fear cycle. I am sure you can relate. I am sure we all run the fear cycle from time to time.
A fear cycle is an event, trauma or past experience that we have logged in our subconscious as a true outcome for every time we are in a similar position or we perceive we are in a similar position. The reality is is that we will never be in the exact position again. Like the ocean waves reach the shore, it only is that way once. It may be similar but never exactly the same.
Here's what happens initially to create the fear cycle...
Firstly it starts with trauma. Something happens to us that sends us into a tailspin and it changes us in big and small ways. It usually comes out of nowhere and we could have never seen this coming. Sometimes its an accident and other times an incident that is unkind and hurts us or someone we love in some way.
Then it goes to feeling unsure and unsure. About the outcome, about how things will ultimately turn out. It is in the place that you can feel really scared and unsure.
From here, our nervous system is kicked into over drive - Fight, flight or freeze. Totally activated.
Trying to control everything we possibly can to get ourselves and those we love out of this situation and safe again.
The last part of the fear cycle is the outcome. How ever it has turned out, how ever it has changed you, it is over now.
While it may be over, you may be safe again, even if you are totally changed forever from the trauma and the experience, your sub conscious has it all stored. It will process what it can at the time so generally the bigger the trauma, the more that is suppressed and pushed down. Sometimes we cannot possibly deal with all the emotion in these situations so we put them away until we can deal with them when the time is right and we have all the space and support we need.
The trouble is is that it is stored. The fear cycle is activated and our subconscious is on high alert. High alert for anything remotely related to our experience.
It will do whatever it needs to to keep us safe and keep that experience from ever repeating itself.
The things is, we have to let the fear cycle be rewritten.
We have to let our subconscious know that while at that time it wasn't OK, we generally would never put ourselves back in that exact moment with that exact same experience and that things will turn out differently each time we experience this same feeling.
Our subconscious doesn't know this.
It only wants to keep us safe.
If you take notice of what comes up for you as you feel into your own fear cycles, you may notice that it feels really uncomfortable. Its icky. Its not a nice feeling and often it is easy to take the option that is totally safe. Which is absolutely OK if you are in danger but if the danger is no longer a danger and you are running a danger fear program, I would love you to just notice it, feel into and reassure yourself that you can handle this. You can handle whatever is in front of you at that moment in time and you don't need to fear. It will turn out how it will turn out and part of reprogramming the fear cycle is to experience the fear and let it dissolve. Let it be rewired that even though x happened in the past, it doesn't mean it will happen in the future that way.
The fear cycle is always yours to notice and reframe, recreate.
It is always our choice to live on autopilot or dig a little deeper and have awareness to what is really going on.
Its always our choice to heal the trauma, calm the nervous system and regulate our emotional response to life, to situations and by doing so we can re write, re wire and re do the fear cycle that is currently running on auto pilot in many ways we may not even realise. The first step to any change is awareness so I hope this article has helped with that. Here if you wanted to discuss further or if you need clarity on anything I have just mentioned above, just send me an email ~ love@goldsoultherapy.com
Sending all my Love,
Shari x
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